It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
