Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
