You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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