i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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