Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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