If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He passed out mid-signature
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize