Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
