State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize