the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
