You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
