haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hell yes lets make some ravioli
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
