She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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