So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
