you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
