Yo dont text me then not text me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize