Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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