matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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