The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
