i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
