if only i could text you this smell
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
