I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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