she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
