she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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