Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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