he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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