its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize