Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
