Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
