I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
