I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
