What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
