He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
