We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
be right there i have to get my cape
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
