wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
