the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
