You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just threw up on my dentist
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
