For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
