is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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