i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
