I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
