No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
