well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
