Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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