When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
