Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize