I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
