There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
