My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
