Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize