you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
