The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
