I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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