I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize