I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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