sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My vagina just recognized that song.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
