He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
