Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize