Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize