No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
