Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
