My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize