is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Can I color on your dick again?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
