I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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