I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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