I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
